Show no anger, show no hurt, show no joy and no fear and no problems

I'm gonna be here after the Smoke Die down fight the good fight

(no subject)
justkerri
I just had someone ask me why I deleted them off facebook. It was a misunderstanding but they were actually upset which is weird because they have over like five hundred friends and I didn't think they'd notice. Plus we only met online. But she was upset and asked why so we talked. I added her back but I'm not used to people wanting to still be my friend or wanting me to add them again. Huh how odd. But kinda cool. Curious and curiouser.
I mean the only time I talk to people is online. I try to make friends with authors I love to keep up to date and stuff. I like hiding in my apartment. Its safer. I'm not a big risk taker or like conversation. When people approach me its extremely stressful. I have trouble reading social skills and over analyze everything. Plus I get embarrassed easily. I'm thirty and I'm so socially awkward. My daughter did not get her social skills from me. Oh and I signed her up for ballet which I will take her to but now she wants to do soccer too. I don't really like either but I will support and take her and watch her recitals etc. Soccer mom yikes. Sports I hate watching unless its an imaginary one like quidditch. But soccer games and ballet lessons it is. I'll be right there watching her play or dance and cheering for her. Unless its one of stupid things and everyones a winner. Then ill just smile and encourage her interest. Even still. I'm done rambling man its been awhile. Ive been on facebook lol.

A quick update
justkerri
Lol its been more then a year since Ive updated and longer since j eddited my profile rofl. God i miss being 21 lol. Im almost thirty now. Lorelia is doing really good. Im thinking about moving in wit some friends in Indianna. Well id better get back to vacuming lol. Ive gotten one roon done. Honestly im surprised my account was still acrive lol.

Back Home
justkerri
Im back in Oklahoma unfortunately. Sigh. I missed my baby and my friends but I did not miss the state. I had such a good a time. And I have a game plan. I will be in San Deigo as soon as I can.U

Yeah Im bad about updating this crap lol
justkerri
So Im in beautiful San Diego right now. I'm visiting my dad. He sent for me to come out to see him for four days. I am having a blast. I love it out here. If I could afford to Id move here tomorrow. LOl, Right now though all Im getting is my daughters disibility and mine. So really cant. However while Im on disibility and since I can and my daughters starting school Im going to go back to school and get my degree as Rn. Its pretty in demand job out here and they make a lot of money. I do not want to live on government assistance forever and my goal is to live out here in San Diego. So thats what im going to work towards. My best friend Nastasia Nazar is watching Lyly for me while Im out here. I know shes in good hands. I got in Saturday. My dad picked me up from the airport. Dad and I ate dinner. Then we played bored games and hung out. I stayed up late then crashed. We went to the beach this morning. Came back and ate lunch, Then we went to the casino. I won three hundred bucks which wasnt bad. Did a little shopping. Got two pairs of shorts for about eight bucks each. Yay. Anyways having a blast out here. I love San Diego its so beautiful. Shit Im in love with San diego. So yeah thats my news.

(no subject)
justkerri
Wow okay so first news Lyly is finally sleeping in her own room. She's two and a half now and absolutely adorable. I'm also dealing with the terrible twos. Thats finally hit. Wow. She is a little trouble maker. ;) LMAO. Anyways she's going to start school in the fall. She'll be going to a pre preschool program to get her ready for school. I like that because she won't just be thrown into a new situation. She'll get used to the concept of school. Itll also be from 8 - 12 so I'll get a bit of a break. All though really I won't know what to do with that time. Also she has been officially been diagnosed with dwarfism. She won't grow past four feet tall. She's cute as a button and good things come in small packages. :)
Anyways I am doing okay. Health wise not so great. I busted my ankle on something and I don't remember what so now it hurts to move it. I'm hobbling a bit. More so major news I am having my third open heart surgery. After a number of visits to my cardiologist I am going to have to have open heart surgery. My pulimanary valve needs to be replaced. My best friend Stacy has moved in to help me with Lyly when I have it. My mom is also flying down to help me. Which is just weird but nice. And my sister Julie will be flying out to help me. So that'll be good. I guess. So that's the news on the health front.
On a second note my exhusband is bothering me again. He's tried to send me messages on facebook. He's also tried to add me on facebook. I don't know how he got my number but he called me too. It's like I just got you to leave me alone go away. How many langauges do i have to tell you that in? Jeez! Wow some people just don't know when not to bother you. Gawd.
Okay Im done whining. I'm actually with a few exceptions over all pretty happy with my life. There are a few things id like to fix but otherwise im pretty dang content right now which is weird. But a good weird. Anyways hope the rest of you are doing good.
Kerri

I'm alive
justkerri
Wow alot has been happening since I last updated in march. I will update the good news first.
Okay well my daughter Lorelia is crawling now which means I can put her on the floor more than I could when she wasn't. She still sleeps with me but working on her to get to sleep in her own bed is a battle. She will scream at the top of her lungs and it doesn't matter if I go in and pat her on the back and comfort her. She will kick the crib so hard it shakes. Then since she really gets worked up because even if I let her know I am here and I love her she won't calm herself down (till I pick her up it's been like this since I brought her home from the hospital) she will make herself throw up so I have to pick her up. Ya I know. Also my child is hudine. I can't put her in the vibrating bouncy chair I bought for her anymore. She climbed right out of the straps and decided to try and climb over the top of the chair and fell. She was all right and I called the nurse's line but Lorelia's okay. So I can't use that chair anymore. If I put her to sleep in her carseat and she is wailing even if I have the straps connected without being buckled Lorelia can climb out of that so it has to be buckled or she will wriggle out of the belts. Ya I know my kid is houdini. LOL. She is very bright she is pulling herself up onto furniture so she can stand. Also she can pop lock and drop it when she's dancing. She's already a little hip hop girl lol. She also is getting in her two front teeth and eating solid foods.
I have finally gotten a job! I am so excited. I will be working for Sitel. I am happy I just trippled Lorelia's and mine income. I have been on TANF for six months and an intern at the Employment Center (how ironic huh) and now I will be making fifteen hundred a month. I can still recieve sooner care for health for three months. I can still recieve food stamps. I can also still recieve sooner care & daycare assistance for Lorelia.
I have enjoyed working at the Employment Center. They have been really good to me. Jan (my boss) has driven me to DHS so I don't have to bus over there to turn in my time sheets. Jill and Maria have been picking Lorelia and me up in the morning so I do not have to walk her two miles to daycare anymore at six in the morning. Angela moved up her lunch hour so she could give me a ride home. I don't have to be here right now since I won't be recieving TANF but I still get the participation money and because I have been saving that I will get my ticket for my tailight paid off. And by my first paycheck from Sitel I might just have a car.
So that is the good news. The bad news is my Thyroid is dangerously low which is why I look like I am about to pass out all the time. Then my iron defficiancy is absolutely terrible. I am on drugs for both of those things. Wee. And at some point I have to get checked out for the HPV cancer. I haven't had time to I need to because i need to be healthy and around for my daughter but yeah! I also have four root canals that need to be taken care of but DHS may pay for that. They are still pending on it because it is going to cost them 7000 dollars and they usually only give 750. But they might just do it cause of the dental note i got regarding my note and the health problems the root canals can cause me (blood desease, diabetes, oh and more heart surgery). What can I say I'm a mess. LOL. I have been doing doctor's visits like crazy but ya.
So life is pretty good minus a few complications. And I start my new job on Monday!
Kerri

holla if ya feel me
justkerri
Well, not too much has gone on since I last updated. I am now going to my TANF classes. We're getting crazier and crazier people at east main place now happy joy joy. I am one of the few from the originals that entered with me who is actually graduating the program and without breaking any of the rules. I am getting along better with my neighbor we're becoming better aqauntences. They changed the time of the new NCIS on me. It used to come on Tuesday's at eight on channel 10 now it's 7 so I missed half this new episode. :( I am obsessed with NCIS. I love it. LOL. I don't even watch Law & order or shows close to it. But NCIS. :) anyways that is really all my news. I am alive but exhausted lol. Three month olds keep ya busy.

long time no see
justkerri
Well today is some day. But as you call tell from the post I have had my baby girl. Lorelia Christine Simpson. Yes I decided to keep her. It is hard work but every moment is worth it. I tried to keep a relationship with my mother going. She helped me out a ton and I don't want help now as so much to have a relationship with her and visit, However, Lorelia and I would be one more thing on her schedule and she doesn't have anything to say on the phone to me. I am not going to force this on her if she doesn't want it. She bought a friend with me and bombarded me this morning while i was really tired and couldn't get a word in edgewise.
On the other hand I'm hanging out with Stacy again. Actally Stacy is Lorelia's god mother. We went over to her friend Ashley's house this weekend and the oklahoma book fair this weekend down at the state fair grounds. I got the entire set of Potter books plus Return of the King minus book 6 and 5 for 3.00. Yays so that made me happy.
With our taxes I got a computer I should have gotten a car but I start school next month. So it will help with that. I have to decide between medical transcriptions and RN. I am not particularly interested in either but I will make more money to provide for Lorelia. Lorelia is the basis for every decision I make. I think of how and in what ways it will effect her and then I decide. So I have a system. :)
I got a computer desk for the computer and new book shelf. The guy who does community service looked around for me. Also I ran into my gay friend from Good will on the way home from child support enforcement. Well gotta go I think I hear Lorelia.
Kerri

update
justkerri
Well I have got another job finally. Yays! I am working @ TCIM. Okay it's long and sometimes it's boring but the pay is decent and I just sit there all day basically listening to answering machines getting paid to read or talk or write in between calls. They don't give a shit what we do in between calls as long as the peoples we're selling for (citibank representives or A&T&T people aren't there) and we get tonz of smoke breaks lol. So its really not that bad just boring. And my sleeping patterns been fucked up again. When I wasn't working I could sleep 24 hours a day waking up occasionally 2 go 2 the bathroom and get something 2 eat or getting groceries shit like that. Mainly i'd sleep from midnight to midnight lol. Yes I know bad. But now that I am working and have 2 be up @ SIX in the MORNING I can't get a full nights sleep. I'll be in bed by nine or ten but @ 12:30 I wake up again. Then once i get myself back 2 sleep from that I wake up @ 3 am 4 am and again at five am then at 6 am so that time its like fuck it im up and have to get ready for work anyways. ALL Week LONG. I have dark circles under my eyes that literrally make it look like I am black or something. Ya it's bad. lol It makes trying to stay awake at my desk very hard. Napping is the only thing we're not allowed to do lol. I am having a baby girl. Yay. Her name will be Lorelai Christine Simpson. I am still not sure if I am going to give her up for adoption or do the single mom thing yet. I do not know. I still get to name her tho so that is good. Oh and I let mike back into my life. Ya that was dumb. But I finally blocked his number again. I just have to stick with the no talking thing and he makes it very hard for me. The last night i said no to him to coming over I told him leslie had an emergancy and i had to be there 4 her so he wouldn't come down. Well then he tried to call me @ midnight and talk me into letting him come down. Before i blocked his number. We spent fifteen minutes on the phone arguing about it. I kept saying no (for once) to him and he kept getting pissed off. I even told him that was sick and nausated and throwing up. He STILL wanted 2 come down. He didn't come down tho (I or somebody else has to let him in the building) and I have tried not to talk to him since then and it is going very well. One of the main reasons I stopped was because cat & nate are getting divorced and i am not giving that idiot any information. Two he threatened to rape me again. Yes this is the second time. Yes I know I am an idiot for letting him back in. He harrasses me until i say yes and let him back in my life. He'll call or leave annoying myspace messages or emails until I do. It's exhausting trying to argue with him so I'm not going to. He's now deleted off my myspace and i have blocked his emails. Hopefully norman is to long of a drive for him to come see me. This is the only time i am grateful that gas prices are so high. So that is all my news. I am actually being very sociable @ work. I used 2 be very shy. One of the case managers here was like u u were shy? I can't picture u shy. Well I am now able to talk 2 just about everyone that I deem good enough lol. ;) I have a doctor's appointment on tuesday so huzzah. Anyways got 2 run. and that's a wrap.
kerri

holla back
justkerri
hey waz going on. It's been quite awhile since I've updated hasn't it. I decided 2 take this time 2 update 4 a little bit. LOL. I am @ East Main Place. I am now 5 months pregnant and the hospital I will be using is OU medical. Yay its alot better than smelly OSU. Just kidding. Also sea section is the only option they do not want me 2 deliver vaginally because I will not have enough blood 2 support the baby's life and mine. Ya I know exciting isn't it. It's because I had tetrology of felow. Basically one of my heart pumps is bigger than the other one is or was and before it was fixed would pump blood back into my other valve instead of doing the full circulation on it's own. Now it's fixed but my pregnancy has 2 be watched like a hawk because it's hard enough i guess supporting my life but having 2 support a baby inside my body is tough as hell on it. I'm surprised the baby is developing healthy and normal. lol. but that's good. also my open heart problems are not hereditary or genetic so the baby only has a slim chance 3-18% of gettting my heart problems since they don't actually run in my family. Cat's going through a tough time right now. I feel bad for her. Divorce sucks. At least I didn't have 2 deal with lawyers. Anyways ya. other than that nothing much else is new.
kerri

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