justkerri

Wow alot has been happening since I last updated in march. I will update the good news first.
Okay well my daughter Lorelia is crawling now which means I can put her on the floor more than I could when she wasn't. She still sleeps with me but working on her to get to sleep in her own bed is a battle. She will scream at the top of her lungs and it doesn't matter if I go in and pat her on the back and comfort her. She will kick the crib so hard it shakes. Then since she really gets worked up because even if I let her know I am here and I love her she won't calm herself down (till I pick her up it's been like this since I brought her home from the hospital) she will make herself throw up so I have to pick her up. Ya I know. Also my child is hudine. I can't put her in the vibrating bouncy chair I bought for her anymore. She climbed right out of the straps and decided to try and climb over the top of the chair and fell. She was all right and I called the nurse's line but Lorelia's okay. So I can't use that chair anymore. If I put her to sleep in her carseat and she is wailing even if I have the straps connected without being buckled Lorelia can climb out of that so it has to be buckled or she will wriggle out of the belts. Ya I know my kid is houdini. LOL. She is very bright she is pulling herself up onto furniture so she can stand. Also she can pop lock and drop it when she's dancing. She's already a little hip hop girl lol. She also is getting in her two front teeth and eating solid foods.
I have finally gotten a job! I am so excited. I will be working for Sitel. I am happy I just trippled Lorelia's and mine income. I have been on TANF for six months and an intern at the Employment Center (how ironic huh) and now I will be making fifteen hundred a month. I can still recieve sooner care for health for three months. I can still recieve food stamps. I can also still recieve sooner care & daycare assistance for Lorelia.
I have enjoyed working at the Employment Center. They have been really good to me. Jan (my boss) has driven me to DHS so I don't have to bus over there to turn in my time sheets. Jill and Maria have been picking Lorelia and me up in the morning so I do not have to walk her two miles to daycare anymore at six in the morning. Angela moved up her lunch hour so she could give me a ride home. I don't have to be here right now since I won't be recieving TANF but I still get the participation money and because I have been saving that I will get my ticket for my tailight paid off. And by my first paycheck from Sitel I might just have a car.
So that is the good news. The bad news is my Thyroid is dangerously low which is why I look like I am about to pass out all the time. Then my iron defficiancy is absolutely terrible. I am on drugs for both of those things. Wee. And at some point I have to get checked out for the HPV cancer. I haven't had time to I need to because i need to be healthy and around for my daughter but yeah! I also have four root canals that need to be taken care of but DHS may pay for that. They are still pending on it because it is going to cost them 7000 dollars and they usually only give 750. But they might just do it cause of the dental note i got regarding my note and the health problems the root canals can cause me (blood desease, diabetes, oh and more heart surgery). What can I say I'm a mess. LOL. I have been doing doctor's visits like crazy but ya.
So life is pretty good minus a few complications. And I start my new job on Monday!
Kerri

Well, not too much has gone on since I last updated. I am now going to my TANF classes. We're getting crazier and crazier people at east main place now happy joy joy. I am one of the few from the originals that entered with me who is actually graduating the program and without breaking any of the rules. I am getting along better with my neighbor we're becoming better aqauntences. They changed the time of the new NCIS on me. It used to come on Tuesday's at eight on channel 10 now it's 7 so I missed half this new episode. :( I am obsessed with NCIS. I love it. LOL. I don't even watch Law & order or shows close to it. But NCIS. :) anyways that is really all my news. I am alive but exhausted lol. Three month olds keep ya busy.

Well today is some day. But as you call tell from the post I have had my baby girl. Lorelia Christine Simpson. Yes I decided to keep her. It is hard work but every moment is worth it. I tried to keep a relationship with my mother going. She helped me out a ton and I don't want help now as so much to have a relationship with her and visit, However, Lorelia and I would be one more thing on her schedule and she doesn't have anything to say on the phone to me. I am not going to force this on her if she doesn't want it. She bought a friend with me and bombarded me this morning while i was really tired and couldn't get a word in edgewise.
On the other hand I'm hanging out with Stacy again. Actally Stacy is Lorelia's god mother. We went over to her friend Ashley's house this weekend and the oklahoma book fair this weekend down at the state fair grounds. I got the entire set of Potter books plus Return of the King minus book 6 and 5 for 3.00. Yays so that made me happy.
With our taxes I got a computer I should have gotten a car but I start school next month. So it will help with that. I have to decide between medical transcriptions and RN. I am not particularly interested in either but I will make more money to provide for Lorelia. Lorelia is the basis for every decision I make. I think of how and in what ways it will effect her and then I decide. So I have a system. :)
I got a computer desk for the computer and new book shelf. The guy who does community service looked around for me. Also I ran into my gay friend from Good will on the way home from child support enforcement. Well gotta go I think I hear Lorelia.
Kerri

Well I have got another job finally. Yays! I am working @ TCIM. Okay it's long and sometimes it's boring but the pay is decent and I just sit there all day basically listening to answering machines getting paid to read or talk or write in between calls. They don't give a shit what we do in between calls as long as the peoples we're selling for (citibank representives or A&T&T people aren't there) and we get tonz of smoke breaks lol. So its really not that bad just boring. And my sleeping patterns been fucked up again. When I wasn't working I could sleep 24 hours a day waking up occasionally 2 go 2 the bathroom and get something 2 eat or getting groceries shit like that. Mainly i'd sleep from midnight to midnight lol. Yes I know bad. But now that I am working and have 2 be up @ SIX in the MORNING I can't get a full nights sleep. I'll be in bed by nine or ten but @ 12:30 I wake up again. Then once i get myself back 2 sleep from that I wake up @ 3 am 4 am and again at five am then at 6 am so that time its like fuck it im up and have to get ready for work anyways. ALL Week LONG. I have dark circles under my eyes that literrally make it look like I am black or something. Ya it's bad. lol It makes trying to stay awake at my desk very hard. Napping is the only thing we're not allowed to do lol. I am having a baby girl. Yay. Her name will be Lorelai Christine Simpson. I am still not sure if I am going to give her up for adoption or do the single mom thing yet. I do not know. I still get to name her tho so that is good. Oh and I let mike back into my life. Ya that was dumb. But I finally blocked his number again. I just have to stick with the no talking thing and he makes it very hard for me. The last night i said no to him to coming over I told him leslie had an emergancy and i had to be there 4 her so he wouldn't come down. Well then he tried to call me @ midnight and talk me into letting him come down. Before i blocked his number. We spent fifteen minutes on the phone arguing about it. I kept saying no (for once) to him and he kept getting pissed off. I even told him that was sick and nausated and throwing up. He STILL wanted 2 come down. He didn't come down tho (I or somebody else has to let him in the building) and I have tried not to talk to him since then and it is going very well. One of the main reasons I stopped was because cat & nate are getting divorced and i am not giving that idiot any information. Two he threatened to rape me again. Yes this is the second time. Yes I know I am an idiot for letting him back in. He harrasses me until i say yes and let him back in my life. He'll call or leave annoying myspace messages or emails until I do. It's exhausting trying to argue with him so I'm not going to. He's now deleted off my myspace and i have blocked his emails. Hopefully norman is to long of a drive for him to come see me. This is the only time i am grateful that gas prices are so high. So that is all my news. I am actually being very sociable @ work. I used 2 be very shy. One of the case managers here was like u u were shy? I can't picture u shy. Well I am now able to talk 2 just about everyone that I deem good enough lol. ;) I have a doctor's appointment on tuesday so huzzah. Anyways got 2 run. and that's a wrap.
kerri

hey waz going on. It's been quite awhile since I've updated hasn't it. I decided 2 take this time 2 update 4 a little bit. LOL. I am @ East Main Place. I am now 5 months pregnant and the hospital I will be using is OU medical. Yay its alot better than smelly OSU. Just kidding. Also sea section is the only option they do not want me 2 deliver vaginally because I will not have enough blood 2 support the baby's life and mine. Ya I know exciting isn't it. It's because I had tetrology of felow. Basically one of my heart pumps is bigger than the other one is or was and before it was fixed would pump blood back into my other valve instead of doing the full circulation on it's own. Now it's fixed but my pregnancy has 2 be watched like a hawk because it's hard enough i guess supporting my life but having 2 support a baby inside my body is tough as hell on it. I'm surprised the baby is developing healthy and normal. lol. but that's good. also my open heart problems are not hereditary or genetic so the baby only has a slim chance 3-18% of gettting my heart problems since they don't actually run in my family. Cat's going through a tough time right now. I feel bad for her. Divorce sucks. At least I didn't have 2 deal with lawyers. Anyways ya. other than that nothing much else is new.
kerri

I love the nappy roots! Well I just discovered them but I am sure they are a lot older then what I know. But lol ever since I heard their song on BET TRL thingy Good Day (now that 1 is new). Well now I am back in norman and I have a job. Yay! I am working @ McDonalds but hell it works. Dallas wants 2 keep in touch with me he is a guy in tulsa i met down there. so ya that is good. i have my own apartment is off from this shelter place but it is 1 bedroom really nice and completely furnished. and oh ya no bugs or roaches! how cool is that? the moddonna home had roaches gallore it was a roach motel lol minus the cool effects of them dying. i have seen alot of catherine and riley this week her parents have been super nice in driving me over there. they are so cool. mike is trying 2 be friends with me again. gee i wonder what he wants. i do not have the energy 2 even contemplate it. i'll put it 2 u like this i only go where i have 2. if i don't have 2 go nowhere i am staying put. lol. i am almost 5 months pregnant now huzzah and i am kind of worried my WHOLE pregnancy i have only gained 5 pounds period. i was 135 when i started and i am still at 140. the baby is gaining weight but I am not. the baby is perfectly healthy but i am not. oh one of my coworkers who i got along with and liked looked me up on myspace. his name is steve. i am keeping in touch with shawnda, dallas (really nice guy from institute) and britany. that is all my news.

hey it's been awhile. Well I am fourteen or fifteen weeks pregnant. It's hard to keep track of this stuff. They are still deciding weather or not I can carry this baby for my health because I had two open heart surgeries. I'd like to know sooner rather than later. I also might have cervical cancer. Oh goody one and a million things 2 do. The good news is the baby is very healthy and fine and has a good heart beat so one could thing. I am trying to get up to Norman. If I can get a hold of a shelter in norman I could be back up there by wednesday so everyone keep your fingers crossed and pray I get in. I MISS NORMAN.

hell even my councilor has asked how the hell i am making it. I made it to the moddonna house in tulsa. I'm going to start looking 4 work next week because it is HELL not having any money. I can't buy anything I want like cigerettes or anything I really even need like deodrant. Luckily everybody pools foodstamps or you could add (thankfully not) starving to that list. Oi it is crazy, I am watching alot of parenting videos. I am somewhat getting to know the other girls but kind of just stick to myself. Cat came and visited me yays! Stacy calls me every day @ least once. I miss being close to them tho. :(

I am now pregnant. I don't know who the father is. I thought it was my roommate but it's not and I don't really remember who I slept with in Feburaury. Now I'm not saying i'm the virgin mary (i'm not trust me I'm not having the baby jesus lol or anything like that) my memory is notoriously poor and unless I write it down in a journal I forget. So ya I'm probably going to have to do a DNA test to officially know who the babies daddy is. I just found out I was pregnant and the reason I didn't know before is because I kept having my period. It is rare but I am one of the lucky ones. Anyways I've had my first ultrasound and everythings fine as far as that goes.
On another note work is being assholes. Because I almost misscarried the doctor doesn't want me to lift anything. So rather than have me do what I've been doing I know have to take medical leave. I can do everything else I just can't lift anything over 10 pounds. So right now I am not making any money @ all.
Mom has threatened to kick me out either way and I have 2 be out of her house in august. I have found a shelter home in tulsa so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I can get in. Because I will have no money and no job and yes my mom is that big of a bitch. Anyho that's my life lots of stress and worry oh and pregnant.

So I am alive & well. I'm moving in with Cat's friend Shorty we're just friends. I'm sleeping on the couch and he sleeps in his own room. I'm payin rent yes but @ least I'm not at home. I lost my car tire this week so I have been stuck @ home with no transportation anywhere other than to and from work. Mom couldn't even help me with that *shakes head*. But I made it and I haven't lost my job. Yay. On top of that mike emailed me it was about two comiadiens we used to listen to still he can ask through cat damn it. He also has been asking if I ever talk about him blah blah blah bullshit. How come whenever I get my life in order he is always sniffing round ready to detroy it and I am ready to let him???? God I am stupid I just have 2 ignore it. We might have to be civil cause we're both friends of cats but that's all he gets. Sure he might have my heart in a trophy case but he will never break my pride lol. I am more stubborn. I vill win. other than that life is good minimal drama and most of it's not mine. LOL I will always be there 4 my friends so ya. I would however like a mike free zone in life. Is that too much too ask for? Apparently that and keeping a running car are wayyy to much too ask for.
kerri

I had to tell mike to piss off again. It worked and it hurts but I feel better now. He keeps trying to leave his girlfriend to be with me except oh ya he never actually leaves her leaving me to feel like shit. So I told him in no uncertian terms was I ever going to go back to him. He's finally abided by my wishes and has left me alone. Yay thank god. He even deleted me off his friends list. I wasn't expecting that one. I still love him and I excpect I always will but you know what when it's a danger to yourself you can't be with someone period no matter how bad you want them. Plus my pride won't let me be treated that way like shit. I'll fight just as dirty as he does and it won't be pretty cause we'd just be fighting all the time. I'm just emotionally exhausted when I'm with him he makes me physically sick. That whole seventeen months we were together me being sick all the time (i was constantly throwing up) was from all the stress of it because the hospital never found anything wrong with me other than i was throwing up. So yay it's over now for good I hope but still...i'm now wiped clean from it. i just kind of live through my work and visiting my best friend cat & my god son. He is soo cute! I love little Riley. They're back from germany by the way and I try to visit them on a daily basis.

I just met my Godson! He is so darling and I love him!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And he is soooo smart he knows to make the right sounds full of emotion that coraspond with the conversation!!! Like when Chris was talking about how her aunt screwed her over he was watching her fasinated capitivated actually and made this blah disbelieving sounds. I know that sounds weird but it is really quite cute!! Yes I am his godmother. I am glad Cat picked me and this little guy is going to be spoiled rotten by me. Riley is his name and I absolutely adore him!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not that he's not spoiled already by grandma and everyone else lol but i am going to add to it!!!!!!!!! I also got a chance to talk to Cat who i haven't talked to in forever!!!!!!!!!! I missed her we had a good 3 hour conversation after Riley fell asleep of course but it was fun. And I am going to see them all week!!!!!!!!!! i love the little baby and i love cat she has been one of my best friends 4 eva and has seen me at the worst of times and best of times. I know I will always have her support and she will have mine. Even if she has a dolt of a husban I know she loves him. So i will call him a jackass and leave it at that especially what he's put her and riley through, But anyway i am soooo physced and i get to go over and hang out and help her with my godson. I have a godson!!!!!! I will post pics later. You will see lots of riles!!!!!!!! nite all!!!!!!

Well my first week @ the Mariot? Is completely awesome! Other than I'm broke till tomorrow afternoon! My first pay check I am so excited! YAYs! I can get cigerretes tomorrow and I can get Mary Jo a pack cause she's been letting me bum off of her! I always bought Des an extra pack or two. I also found some apartments I am looking into I might not move into them until after xmas vacation tho. I am staying at my moms and she is not driving me as crazy as before. It also helps I have a set of wheels. God it feels so good to say that! Finally after all that talk! Anyways I am getting to know a guy I met @ the club. Ya not the best place to meet guys but its fun and I like being round males lol. I'm just having fun tho cause u know what after mike im not ready to settle down again. Maybe maybe we'll just see where the boat goes lol. The only complaint i have at work is that it's boring but here in a week or two they're going to have me learn different areas like deli and desert and hey even scarier put me on the grill! LOL. Brenda my boss I've impressed her enough for her to say that she hopes I'll stay with them a LONG time! Yays. So life is good casa ra whatever will be will be!

Okay #1 you remember how me and my mom never got along. Well she helped me buy a car. I have 2 pay her back but she wrote a check 4 300.00 to help me buy it. It's a piece of shit but it runs and I actually now have a car and can come and go as I please which i like.
#2. I am starting a really good job @ the mariot and actually we're in a government building the postal training center so there are some really kick ass benefits.
#3 the bridge with goodwill is burned but i am not that fussed to be honest.
#4 I will be in my own apartment with my babies hopefully by the end of the month so keep your fingers crossed. Yays.

the whole world can kiss my ass. i was going to work out this last week of good will but fuck them and the people who are still there. I am tired of being polite to people well who I dont want to be polite to and damn it I'm not. Anybody whose rude cuts me off or ignores me falls into this catagory and I'm just raising my mother fuck middle finger to you. I don't give a shit no more. I'm tired of all the bull shit and well frankly my dear I don't give a damn. n i dont care who knows. cry me a RIVER.

krackers!

LOL. So let's see I'm off my mother's couch and on my manager's. I'm trying to find another job and have an interview with Ambcrombie and Fitch on sept 11th so wish me luck! My ex threatened to kill me when I said I was bringing a male friend to our mutual friends birthday party and then said he was just kidding. He's bipolar so with him you never know what to expect. I went to his party after that (yes dumb I know) but it went okay except for when he crashed me into the mirror cause he was drunk as hell. Rolls eyes. he's allowed to have a girlfriend but apparently i'm not allowed to even have guy friends. Uh hello we're divorced and get with the program you have a girl dipshit and don't ever threaten me again or ill kick my foot so far up your ass you won't know what hit you. Work sucks ass as always but chad bought me a book as a gift. Awe! :) It's pretty good. I just know got around to reading Wicked and he bought me the sequal Son of a Witch. he's also the one coming to this party where mike threatened me brave guy. He knows i've filled him in on everything but he's still going to go. Not much else to write.
Kerri

[1] My mother is driving me crazy. If I didn't have Billy's offer for school they'd have to either (A) check me into a mental instituition or (B) i'd have moved out by now. Seriously she is trying to make every life decision for me that she can. She is a control freak! It's amazing how even from Penn she can drive me up the wall. The only reason I stay is because well Billy has offered to pay for school. Yes I understand the concept well it's her house her rules quite well but that does not mean I Have to like them. And can't mutter under my breah occasionally. [2] I have some health issues. I am exhausted to the point of where all I want to do is pass out. Sorry guys female problems here (1) my period has not shown up yet and i have started getting an upset tummy granted this has happened before but ive actually timed the son of a bitch and it was just stress so pray for me that it is just stress (2) my back is sore and i'm itchy in an area I shouldn't be so hopefully i get into health for friends cause my stomach hurts and it hurts to get rid of my bodily fluids so hopefully the upset stomach has something to do with that and not the other. Aye. I've worked a 12 day period with no break until today thank god. On a lighter note I got a laptop. I bet you mom has already thought of twelve ways of when i can get on it and how often ha ha. Oh well I'm excited! To have net access again. Ya if it's baby then i can kiss school good bye all together however i say it's just stress. Cause it has happened bf so ya. and it was just stress. And i would have to move out of the next county to stop my mom from killing me lol. so work is all right working with cool people like desire dyer and cathy and jay make it awesome. Our new boss Debbie is LOUD u know she's there when the noise in the store reaches about 20 decimals higher. Aye. Okay Im done chewing anybody's ear off who actually read's this. Smirk.Night all.

Wow it's been awhile hasn't it? Well Mike's back to his usual tricks again. He has a girlfriend and he's wanting to run away with me. I told him hell no. I cannot believe this after all the shit and all the crap it's like what you want me now???? Go away and die. Work is good. Unwanted peeps on my floor bout to leave 27th. I love my friends don't get me wrong I do but I need space I need kerri time I like being alone alot of the time. I love to see Cat & Danielle don't get me wrong but I do have a thing for solitude. On that note I would love to see my Z but anyways!!!!! Ya confusing entry i know. Just wanted to wave that little white flag I'm still here. Yays me.
Kerri

I missed the midevial fair. Why? Cause damn work has called me in every single day off for the past fucking 2 weeks. More money yes but also more ways on contemplating how to get rid of the customer's bodies after they pay. Just kidding. I was enjoying my day off. Cat sent Mike & Heather to come pick up Nick & Jen whom I cannot stand. It was all very pleasant and ackward as ass. I mention Jordan cause Nick said something and Mike flips a bitch on me. Jordan is my next door neighbor I barely know the fucking guy. And even if he did show interest in me who the hell cares and why the hell should Mike? At this point Mike storms out the door pissed off and in a rage. it's a good thing he does not know jordan lives in my apartment complex. a good thing for jordan anyway. Heather goes out to talk to him and they spend the next half hour waiting for Nick & Jen arguing loudly. So I am about ready to puke since its that girl x anyways for me and I'm sick of the drama I Mention 1 guy 1 guy. Jesus. What does mike want to make t he bed with heather & I in it? Apparently. Anyways i get off my happy ass and walk to my mother's from my place. Where the HELL is she?
One piece of good news. I only have two bills next pay day and I'm getting a lap top with interenet access. Thank god for no rent! I have credit on my account for this month. Huzzah. So good has my morning been.
Kerri

What Your Dreams Mean...


Your dreams seem to show that you're very preoccupied with your fears and problems.

These bad dreams indicate that you need to spend more time on your issues during the day.

Your dreams tend to reflect your insecurities.

You have a very vivid imagination and a rich creative mind.

You secretly want to hide your dreams from your waking mind.


What Do Your Dreams Mean?


I was on the phone with my mother in law last night and I accidently let something slip about the divorce. Good for him bad for me. Not like legally wise but more emotionally. So after weeks of NOTHING he calls me out of the blue (after talking to his MOM after talking to me) he calls me. Not only that he invites me up to his place *where his daddy is oh that'd be a cheerful visit* to get my mail and visit the birds. Yeah ok NOT happening especially not with who he mentioned. But now he wants to chat and visit. Not to mention he kept me on the phone for half an hour HIS BUSINESS phone trying to talk to me and keep me on the line. I love my ex mother in law I do but from now on new rule!! Anyone whose going to dish information to him gets ONE SUBJECT MATTER. THE WEATHER. It works great for me and my dad when we actually do talk. I do NOT want to see him for obvious reasons and I do NOT want to keep in touch and he was trying desperately to have me come up there but I made lame excuses and managed to avoid it. Thank god. However he may be coming down this week to drop things by himself (hopefully he uses messenger bitch) and see me when I'm off. This is NOT good. The weather we stick to and only talk about the weather and maybe work but that's IT. The WEATHER. God I feel so stupid.
On a lighter note I babysat morgan and Ashley today. They were angels as usual. Ashley napped for an hour and a half. Is that healthy for 2 year olds? Noting that i held her t he entire time but she's cute so :) I've got some pics that'll I'll post later in private entry. They're adorable. Friends only basically. Anyways night all. I might get to see my EX oh joy. He's delivering it himself now!!! Guess who his choufer is? First 2 don't count. OH vey the knot in my back just started throbbing again. NO. NO. Next time I'm keeping my mouth shut. All tho I did get 1 cool line is. If I'm asleep don't call me unless your in the emergancy room. Mike: I'm in the emergancy room. Me: I'll send your mother flowers. His jaw drops you can hear it over the phone. Gawd. GET THE HINT STUPID. But does he NO. I've even told it to his face. What is his deal??? And he still thinks he can get sex from me!!!! Yes he said something to that effect. And I had to say no dummy dummy you can't get anything from me anymore. I said that to him to make it clear AGAIN.
Oh and someone else wants me to spare emotion on them and their issue with me. GET IN FUCKING LINE. There's a waiting list go screw yourself. AISH!!!